Monday, October 5, 2009
i don't know
i really don't know why i'm working and trying my best to keep everything i have. .
but i've actually very scared to keep or lose anything. . .
lately i've tried not to vend my anger. .
i feel so pissed off i wanna go out i wanna see her
i know i'm giving everything
i know if i fall this time i won't get up
i used to say that i'm used to my falls
but this time i can't
i work like some hag can't sleep like some kind only =.=
i'm fucking kill and destorying myself fuck man for whose sake ?
for my parents?
i haven't go my Holiday , jui feel like i'm in jail le this cannot that cannot knn
ccb la fuck la fuck it la slap yourself
be strong la!
eat maggie mee everyday la with hot dogs and egg or eat some leftover
the money i earn fuck la want spend no time to spend
i want quit my job then i looked back to my work place and i saw how nice they treat me
sometimes even better then anyone else
hungry only boos give me food
sad only they give me easy job =/
i don't know la
i feel like giving up yet don't want to whats fucking wrong
i feel like jumping down my house and buy food eat then come back
fuck la
pissed till my tears are dropping
i just went to my fridge and to find that all the things i buy for my family or thing i want to eat always gone i don't want buy le la
they got think of me meh?
fuck lor
i feel happy
but every time i felt it some other shit will just spoil everything
cb you don't have to lock the fucking door
you are just reminding me of going to that FUCKING HOLIDAYS
fuckers
why sia
mercy?
chances?
i never had mine when i prove myself to be a better man
i never did what i used to do
i tried to prove and hope god really gave me a chance
i feel like smashing this fucking house
i felt so wrong
am i always wrong?
like how i used to go out alone blogging in some stupid lan and playing lan alone?
it felt like that
maybe the fucking holidays will be the same shit
i don't wanna be alone anymore
darren is here yes
but he's just like a part of me we both are almost connected
darrren feels like a hopeless child now i think. . .
i don't know
i'm tired now i just can't get to sleep
i wanna eat something i always wanted to eat
there's alot of things i wanna do with my pay but it just seems to be lesser and lesser each days
fuck la i just can't buy what i want for my birthday anymore=(
maybe this year i don't know maybe this year is the worst for me
i happy for those who loved and cared for me
i feel tired and feel like crying like some baby over this life or maybe THIS YEAR!
but no regrets
i did get what i wanted
and i did lose things i don't want
time really did prove alot to me
ask i ask myself about the questions i set for myself
i still can't get an anwser for that, or maybe i already knew it but i just can't figure it out.
i'm sitting down here but hey noone realise what i really wanted.
all wanted from the start was maybe just those simple things
but i can't i want to prove alot of things
it's like a must.
label them in my brains, show them by my heart, help with my hands and love with everything
a guy sat there alone thinking and questioning
never the less he gave up on those feeling of getting what he want
there was once he got it but he gave that up for love
now he sat there thinking how foolish he used to be
he thought that love was always hurtful
he knew that love was no harm it was just he's jealousies and thoughts that made him scared
but he always fights those feeling and continue loving
then he looked at life and saw those days that were rotten or have to be left somewhere he didn't want to, he fought again to prove he was strong knowing he was weak inside where he sobs and store all sorrowful thngs inside somewhere in he's heart
cause he knows if he would to say it everyone will leave and be angry with him
he always trys to understand life and people around him, family, loved ones, friends, brothers, sisters
but in the end he just hurts them by trying to understand them
he got it all wrong
no one tried to give him the equal giving back to him
he went depress and scream he's lungs out just to know why!
why is this all screwed up
he hate say all this really
he really did screw alot of things
he've had it with all this
give him some mercy could you?
show him something special could you?
stop being angry with him
stop neglecting him
he's a very sensitive person
every little people do from him he'll always remember
but did they remember what he did for others?
and he sat down tearing
and told himself that it's okay
maybe this is my life
i've always be neglected
since young
it's okay....really
forgive and forget right?
yes i will forgive and forget
i really hope i was treated the same,
alright after typing all this shall stop befor i get more sensitive .
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