Saturday, August 1, 2009
truth
dear brother , please study hard =]
guys do study hard ...
KJ, i know somehow deep inside you're damm sad , you try to show it but nobody did , well i really hope you're fine =]
ZQ, don't be so gong gong leh >.<
Jerad, i don't know whats happening to you nowadays but yar i hope you're doing well =]
..................................................................................................
my emotions?
yes i do feel them all
Jealous, angry, sad, happy
I'm jealous but i don't show because i don't want to lose you and anything to go wrong , i know it hurts to see me like that, but it hurts me even more to keep it in , i know one day you'll leave, i keep having this nightmare about you , leaving me alone. . . , i'm jealous of not having you by my side every single moment, i feel jealous that you seem happier with other people, i feel so jealous when you play around but not knowing i'm behind, i feel jealous when you post other pic with some guy close to you, i feel damm damm jealous when you still keep the past, childish right? all this are things i should'd do anything about it because it's your fun and your life , you have friends so do i , you wanna play , so do i, so what's the point of being jealous? it's more like me being selfish. . . . i don't wanna hurt girl by saying all this it hurts me instead. . . .
i'm angry about my feelings i know whats happening, but you. . didn't tried to understand instead you froce those tears out of me , pushing me to a dead end....i don't cry because everytime i do i feel even more weak , i feel so ulgy and dumb and childish for me to cry. and when i start crying i become weak and i keep getting used to it by crying, i dont like to cry , i feel angry when you don't listen to me, because deep inside i want the best for you and that makes me happy way better happiness, i feel and angry when i can't get or do thing i want, i feel more angry when i've no answer for your questions, i feel angry when you don't see how much i love you, i feel more angry when you guys can see through me eyes but not doing anything about it, when i shoot all this out won't you all be angry with me? in fact i'm angry about what i'm writing, because you wanted to know how i feel. . .
sad? yes i'm really sad about what you two told me, you wanna die...? i've really tried my best to put myself in your shoes and feel how is it like being in that pain, i know i can never understand, but i try. . . , everytime you two talk about this i feel weak .i'm sad when you don't show that you love me , i'm sad when i'm losing everything, i'm more sad when i cna't give you what you want.
happy? yes i do feel happy , cause girl every little thing you do for me or say i kept it in my heart and felt very happy like it'll last forever, i feel happy when jie you tried to help me and told me how importan i am to you , yes i'm happy when i'm with you guys. i feel happier if i knew a way to lessen you pain it makes me more then happy , i'm like this , my happiness lies within you , you, you, you and you
why didn't i say or tell about all this?
i tell you why
i'm scared , i don't have this guts to say all this
i'm worried about what to say , i don't have the time to think about what i want to say,
and everything just hits my head and it stress me alot
i don't wanna lose anyone, anymore
no i don't wanna go back to the past so badly
but everything just push me back to the past
tell you my problems?
what if all you could do was hear me out, would that make you feel happy , or could it make you feel that actually there's nothing we can do about it,
i know i'll never know if i don't try, but really i've been so tired of trying it makes me so sick of losing and getting hurt , but you two are different you two like to fight a battle which you'll never lose,
but me...i fight for this i want even thou i know i'll lose .
you told be you'll never learn when you don't fall, really i can't take another fall again, im tired of pulling and maybe if this time i fall i'll really stop trying. . .i'll just sit there
see? i'm so stupid so fucked up , i really want to be your ear rings to hear youu every single day. i want to be your neckelets to be around to always, i want to love you like i never loved before but thinking about all this i think my image of me to you has changed
maybe to all i'm different now. . .but i just wanna say there's nothing wrong with me
i'm just looking back at my life while running torwards my happiness, and i saw the ulgy side of my life,
that is why my mood just swings here and there, i tried to controll it i don't want you all to be angry with me but every single happen feels like it's stabbing me in the heart .
and all this all happend when i went to that room and this bitch told me why you life is all about others but not you? so i started thinking . . .but i forgotten that my life and my happiness lies within all of you . . .i'm not being selfish to myself , i'm amking myself happy.
knowing writing all this doesn't make a changes and i wonder whats the real cause of all this . . .
and the reasons are you bitch! i just tend to hate you so much nowadays i feel like you took a big part away in life from me , somedays i'll just stab you in your heart, i really hope you get stab back
;'(
:'(
;')
:')
:(
:(
:<
:>
:O
;O
._.
>.<
~.~
(""). =)
("").O)
("").<)
emotions...
Labels: end, lies
