I like to say that no offence writing this out because

i really wanna help my friends when they are stress or depress about something

Here i like to start ,

i feel that before i can help anyone out i must share my pain and stress out and before i can help others i must first express myself today i'll post about my life and i'll make myself like a book so you can read me like never before

and after all that i'll share with you my friends on why and how i want to help you

when i was young my mom didn't want me or so what ever i've always wanted a family like any others like who doesn't ? having family days and other stuff together i never had a chance ever since my family got broke off

i saw many things in my own bloody eyes , my father holding on to a iron infront of my mum face, have the whole family in a mess? have both of them to fight over me and my brother...never for once i complain about it, never for once i've let my wish out hopping they would be fine,

but althought it was scary i still care for the both of them no matter how much they love or hate me because i'm their son =]

mum always out , dad used to be drunk every night . i'm always living for others not for myself , i wanna cheer every single love ones, but never did i solve mine,

seeing myself being a push over and being bullied by others i don't care, i can lose my face over and over again and everyday i pray for a better tomorrow hopping to be fine,

i once cried and cried and my eye lid came off till i need to see a doctor

i once tried to end my life that was filled with darkness, i felt that way,

till i went to secondary school i've made up my mind, to be this devil,

i started doing stuff that people did to me once, i bully i fight i scold i shout my lungs out

just to get my pain out being bad, then i saw a small light of hope, my family my close friends

they were my light of life and hopes i felt so much better and i wanted the best for all of you

and every time you all cried or down, i really want to help, i felt depress for all of you

i don't know what to do or say, i'm scared to say the wrong things, and sadly all i could do is pray , stay by your side and just smile hopping you guys will understand that i want you all to be happy as always

soon they betray me one by one. . .

till i get back to my old ways....i join gang get wild , drink and drink

and on that day when i went in i was thinking that if i go in to prison it's easier for me but selfish for my family and my other very very close friends....they understand and they care, so i pulled myself up again and live for them once again....

i started studying for mine and their future to be at lest earning in future to help them...

i lie to myself about the past the wish, and the pain i felt every single day

but it's worth to me it really is by seeing all of your smile

i've seen many problems , family , friendship, relationship....i've been through alot too

i've seen/heard thing i'm not suppose to see/hear , thats why i believe that there are people worst then me that i've to be there for them .

and here goes how i feel and wanna say

hearing others depress and stress but feeling helpless sitting there trying to help but all i can do now is feel your pain...

but how am i going to do that if you're not willing to share those pain and sorrows with me, i wanna do my part and be there for all of you, i'm willing to share how i feel about my life and stuff but are u guys willing to do the same and share?

i know maybe you are shy or selfish but i'm selfish too i want you to share and i wanna steal the pain everyone is feeling, being selfish is the way of life to me, sometimes being selfish is not all about yourself but also being a part of others,

when people say that they can't sleep or thinking too much , and they say it's depression, then maybe i'm having it too?

i've always worrying, thinking too much for everyone that i've not cared about mine and i really feel better making people feel better then making myself better, i'm being selfish to myself but not others

i find that if i solve mine, then there's nothing to worry about but till the day i die , i still won't know about myself because only people around you that is close will only know you better and how you feel, and one day you'll say hey maybe i'm this kinda person and you'll never notice it.

and when i felt that way i'm made my choice of being there for you and my close friends because i think they or you need me more then myself , maybe that's a reason of being selfish to me?

the problems i had can be never be express with words, is that how you felt?

while i felt it too i never knew who i really was, but it doesn't really matter i just want to steal all the pain from you guys, i don't see myself so bad or pitiful, but when i see you guys sad or depress about something , i really really tried to put myself your shoes and really tried to help and understand ,but how am i going to be helping if nobody is sharing ans splitting the pain and share them with me, i really want to see everyone happy , i wanna do my part as a good or close friend, it doesn't mean that if you share them with me means i'm pitying you or so ever it's just that i really wanna be there for you, and always i promise....i wanna take care of you all before me,

you understand how i feel now?

you all are more important then me and i'll be this selfish until you all be this open with me.

i really hope everyone will be fine...and someday i'm going to be real tired..

sometimes things don't work out your way and thing just start to look real ugly but don't forget

that you don't live your life for yourself but for does who care and love you so much

that is why i'm reminding you , i know i'm naggie

and i know i'm foolish and very kpkb

but this is me and my love for you guys can never never ever fade or die, if it did i just hope this me will just die and be alone forever.

so don't ive up, time wait for no one and really it will never stop just for you

keep on living life to the max

cheep and and just move along

i know it's hard when it just happen again and again ,

it happened to me many times too but hey i'm still trying and trying

cause i believe that as long as you try you'll never die ;]

and someday we will break free from the chains that are puling us back and keep on flying on with joys and happiness and when that day comes i hope you guys won't forget me , hahah

CHEER UP ARH CHOOO :D

CHEER UP SHINGYING :D

SMILE LIKE ALWAYS JERAD AND JERON!

GET A JOB AND STAY HAPPY JIEJIE!

GO SCHOOL DARREN!!!! __

BE HAPPY KJ

BE HAPPY CLOSE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll pray and hope that heaven will come and i;m really selfish so that day will sure come as long as WE don't give up and keep on smiling like always

AND SMILE AS IN REALLY SMILE NO FAKE SMILE OR WHAT OKAY!!!!

KICK THOSE STRESS AND DEPRESSION AWAY

CAUSE THEY DON"T EXIST IN LIFE

AS LONG AS YOU LET THE HAPPY ONE STAYS

I'm sorry that i don't really understand you all like how others or yourself do but i'm always trying and not giving up ;)

SO DON'T give up on me as i'm putting all my hopes and prayer on all of you LIVE LIFE LIKE YOU NEVER DONE BEFORE THATS THE GREATEST FUN AND ENJOYMENT ;)

ah don will be there for you, always :D

LOLOL

hope you like it , it's my first time doing this LOL

CHEER UP!!! WOOOOHOOO